I first learned the Spanish word consuegra a few years ago. There's no exact equivalent in English, but it means something like co-mother-in-law. When my oldest daughter Lynne married Mike, his mother and I became consuegras. When my second daughter Martha married Tim, I acquired another consuegra. I'll have a third one soon, when my youngest daughter Alison marries Damien. To protect their privacy, I'll call these interesting and admirable women Anne, Betty, and Connie.

Anne is a caregiver par excellence. She gave up a career in dancing when she was young to get married. In those days, it was much more unusual for married women to have careers. She had six children, one of whom was born with Down syndrome. That meant constant caregiving for Nancy, as I'll call her, not just until adulthood, but indefinitely. While Nancy was a child, Anne devoted her energies to forming and operating an organization to support parents of Down syndrome children. This was very important to her since when she had Nancy there was no such resource. She was told, in effect, "Just put her in an institution and forget her." Anne also lobbied legislators for benefits for such children, arguing that they are human beings and have rights just like others.

When Anne's husband retired, they had just succeeded in getting Nancy admitted to an adult care facility, after being on a waiting list for years. They looked forward to doing some traveling and just spending time together. But he developed cancer, and Anne became a caregiver again until his death two years later. By this time, her elderly aunt had become increasingly frail and depended on Anne to take her shopping, do errands for her, and look in on her several times a week. She is now in her 90's and still living alone, resisting Anne's efforts to have her move to an institution. Still Anne has a measure of freedom now, being able to arrange substitute caregivers for her aunt when she travels to visit her children and grandchildren. She belongs to a folk dance group that she enjoys very much.

My second consuegra, Betty, married her childhood sweetheart right out of high school. They had 5 children, so she was busy as a full-time homemaker. My son-in-law remembers that she always had dinner on the table on time and no dust bunnies under the furniture. She loved ballroom dancing, but her husband didn't, so that wasn't part of her life. She did find time to sew, make quilts, and do oil paintings. They had been married 42 years when her husband died from cancer. Her children were all grown, and she had no obligations, so she took up dancing again. She has gone dancing from 3 to 5 times a week ever since and has a closet full of elegant gowns and high-heeled dancing sandals. Of course she still has time for her children and grandchildren too, and she still paints. She enjoys herself tremendously.

My consuegra-to-be, Connie, was also a devoted wife and mother for most of her married life. Then, in her fifties, she decided to become a teacher. She went through an intensive program that included coursework for certification and then a master's degree program in Special Education. For her master's degree she spent a year and a half going to classes every Friday night and all day Saturday while teaching full time. Her students are a group of autistic children, and they demand a great deal of patience. My daughter visited her classroom once and was amazed by Connie's interaction with these difficult-to-teach kids. I'd like to visit too sometime. Connie just finished that long-awaited master's degree, a real triumph for her and a source of pride to her family.

I'm tied to my consuegras through the unions of our children, but I like and admire them for themselves--Anne for her selfless dedication to others, Betty for her spunk in doing something for herself after years of doing for her family, and Connie for her determination to achieve a goal and her influence on the lives of her students.