Extending the Family

by Margaret Fleming

We recently spoke to an American acquaintance who was making his first trip to Puerto Peņasco. He could not have been more nervous if he had being departing for a 20-year trip to outer space. He was afraid to go alone so persuaded a friend to go with him. He repeatedly asked if the roads were safe. He worried about how much insurance to buy and where to buy it. He was apprehensive about finding a hotel.

John and I find it hard to believe that anyone could have so many fears about Mexico. When we cross the border, we experience a feeling of homecoming, of welcoming and comfort.  Mexico is not outer space. It's our nearest neighbor, and the people there are humans, just like us. There are, of course cultural differences, and noting them is one of the things that make life interesting. Of course the most obvious are that the Mexicans have a different language, a different currency, and a different system of measurement. But I decided to try to describe some of the more subtle differences I've noticed over the last 10 or 12 years and what they say about Mexicans and Americans. But I should warn you that my experience is based almost entirely on Puerto Peņasco, so I can't guarantee that what I've noticed would be the same all over Mexico.

In the U.S. we are accustomed to seeing clocks in public buildings. Every schoolroom has a clock on the wall. Gas stations, government buildings, banks, stores, even churches, all have clocks. We Americans are very time-conscious. To us time is money. To Mexicans time is free. This distinction is felt in all sorts of subtle ways. In Mexico there are very few clocks in public buildings. Mexicans do not seem to value punctuality as much as Americans do. Being late is not considered rude, as it is in the U.S. It is expected. Even businesses may be unpunctual. A store may have its time of opening posted as 9:00 but often not open until 9:15 or 9:20. Doing business at a bank may require standing in line for a long time. Being the impatient gringos that we are, we are frustrated by these practices. Mexicans simply wait patiently.

Patience is definitely a virtue to be cultivated in Mexico. Things seem to take a long time to get done. One reason is the enormous amount of bureaucratic red tape. I read somewhere that Mexico is second in the world only to Argentina for the size and complexity of its bureaucracy. Everyone knows the stereotype of Mexicans who always say, "Maņana." Maybe the reason is that they have become so used to waiting.

Another stereotype, totally undeserved, is the figure of a lazy Mexican sleeping under a cactus. I think this one may have come about because Mexicans have a different time schedule for their work day. Instead of working from 8 to 12 and 1 to 5 as is typical in the U.S., they may work from 9 to 1 and from 3 to 7 or even 4 to 8. The long lunch hour is the time they spend with their families, eating the main meal of the day, and perhaps even taking a siesta. Actually Mexicans work as hard as anyone, but because they are relaxing during what to us are working hours, we have made an unjustified assumption.

But Mexicans do know how to enjoy themselves. They work hard but they play hard too. No one has better parties than Mexicans. My theory about this is that the people, especially the lower classes, were exploited for so long, first by the Spaniards and then by their own leaders, that they learned how to seize the moment and make the most of it.

One interesting thing I've noticed about Mexicans is that they are willing to round off the amount of financial transactions. If you owe a bill of, say $54.20, they will say, "$54 is OK." Now, an  American might do that with a friend, but in a business dealing would always expect the exact amount due. Maybe this is because Mexicans are just generous. Maybe they don't like to appear to be haggling about money. Or maybe they have a better social than a business sense.

Another thing that puzzles me about the Mexicans is that they refer to U.S. and Canadian citizens as norteamericanos (literally North Americans). Now when I went to school I learned that Canada, the U.S. and Mexico are all part of North America, and I wonder if they teach something different in Mexico. Obviously the word as used by Mexicans doesn't mean what we would mean by the term North American. It means something like "English-speaking persons who live north of Mexico on the American continent." Another similar anomaly is that I have heard Mexicans refer to several different Protestant denominations as "Christians." These are Catholics speaking, and I wonder why they don't consider themselves Christians. It just goes to show that even the exact same word can have a different meaning in different cultures.

Mexicans seem to be much more courteous, in an almost old world way, than Americans. Although as a healthy adult and a confirmed feminist, I don't expect to have men open doors for me or seat me at the table, I rather enjoy it when Mexican men do such things. It really does make me feel a bit special. I believe that this habit of courtesy is responsible for the practice, so incomprehensible to Americans, of saying yes to any request even if it really means no.  John and I once brought an American we knew slightly to see a Mexican friend of ours. He wanted to exchange a lot he owned in Tucson for a piece of property she had in Puerto Peņasco. She said she would consider it, but when he had left, she told us there was no way she could do it. We asked, "Then why didn't you say so?"  "Oh, I couldn't do that," she said.  "It would have been so rude."

Mexicans are very accepting of even the most imperfect Spanish. I've been told by Americans who have visited Europe that in some countries the people sneer and make fun of our attempts to speak their languages when we are less than fluent, but I've never found that to be true in Mexico. Most Mexicans will try to speak in English if they know even a little--probably not expecting us to know any Spanish--and they will be very helpful when we are struggling to learn their language, supplying words, correcting our pronunciation, and explaining the rules of the language if we are interested.

Relationships are very important to Mexicans. Any guidebook on doing business in Mexico will tell readers that it is important to cultivate relationships before attempting to do business. It may take several meetings, having a drink together or maybe going out to dinner, and perhaps introductions to the person's family, before a Mexican is ready to get down to business. This is frustrating for Americans who don't know any better because they want to, for example, drive down from Phoenix in the morning, conduct their business, and be back home the same day. It may be for this reason that many Mexicans, we have noticed, seem reluctant to do much talking on the telephone. It is not unusual for calls not to be returned or conversations terminated almost abruptly. It's as if phone calls aren't seen as real conversations. Only face-to-face interactions count.

Family is very important to Mexicans, more important than their careers. In the U.S. careers are likely to be more important, at least to men. It's what our society values. But to a Mexican, family will always come first. John and I have been fortunate to get to know a number of Mexican families, and they have always welcomed us warmly. If only all the countries of the world could be as accepting as Mexico.